Just typing this is a testament to my caffeine addiction. I am pooped.
As you may already know, I’m not the worlds most active person. Sure, I do a lot of lifting and trotting around my store on a daily basis, but come the weekend it’s pretty much blobby blob blob blobby blob. Unless I’m shopping, which for some reason doesn’t really feel like exercise.
Anyway, today we went to the zoo. Which was amazing. But I am exhausted.
Most Friday nights I’m up until around two or three, either designing, writing or researching blog posts, or just surfing the web for random memes that I can use in unintelligible email conversations. Right now, it’s 10.54 and I am seriously considering going for zonk times. So I have caffeinated, in the hopes of a second wind in about an hour. This pretty much describes how I’m feeling right now…
After making that, and another macro with a meerkat, then getting distracted by twitter, I have managed to make it to 11.51, which is about the right time for the coffee to be kicking in.
I am fucking on it now.
Right, so, CAFFEINE.
This is pretty much how my morning goes:
7am – Alarm goes off, hit snooze
7.05 – Alarm goes off again, hit snooze again
7.10, 7.15, 7.20, 7.25, 7.30, 7.35, 7.40 – Repeat step 2
7.45 – Freak out for a moment and check cellphone. Thankful it is only 7.45. Begrudgingly crawl out of bed. Knock leg on foot of bed.
7.46 – Feed the bunny
7.47 – Turn on shower
7.48 – Rifle through hammockdrobe for clothing. Realise that there is no black in there and return to living room to pick stuff that is hanging from the sprinkler pipes
7.48 – Shower. Contemplate washing hair. Decide not to. Contemplate shaving legs. Decide not to.
7.50 – Exit shower. Contemplate putting on makeup. Decide not to. Get dressed.
7.51 – Attempt to get deodorant marks off tee shirt. Fail.
7.52 – Rifle through handbag for lighter.
7.53 – Find lighter. Go for smoke on balcony.
7.54 – Watch some morons on the street try to cross the road with three people in a shopping trolley. Laugh at stupidity. Feel bad about laughing harder when they tip up on kerb. Fell less bad when I realise they are probably all high as kites and I am therefore morally superior.
7.55 – Go back inside. Check handbag for keys. Leave apartment.
7.56 – Try to avoid tripping over Blanket Man. Succeed by a few inches.
7.57 – Arrive at work
7.58 – Make coffee. Attempt to speak to boss, but find that speech interface has not yet loaded. Drink coffee.
7.59 – Begin work
8.58 – WAKE UP
As you can see by my morning schedule there is little room for error, and this is all because I must make my coffee before 8am or I will not be awake when the shop opens at 9.
Now, although I’m not the evil bite your head off type without my caffeine, I am rather different. Gone is my peppy, bouncy demeanor, which is replaced by a barely awake, dull shell with significantly lowered brain function. I will quite happily stare at a wall for fifteen minutes without really realising exactly how incredibly non productive I am being.
Some days I actually make it to morning tea time before I realise the reason I’ve been a little ‘off’. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I am so half asleep that I forget to actually ingest the stuff that will force me to wake up. If this has happened, the likelihood is it’s still sitting on the desk or staffroom table stone cold. If I’m desperate I will actually resort to drinking it cold or microwaving it for sixty seconds.
Then I go over to the coffee shop and get an espresso.
What are the side effects to this addiction? Oh, there are many. Starting with getting the shakes if you have been without for too long. And then the shakes if you have had too much without eating properly. And then the shakes again if you’re only using it to pull an all nighter and your body is really just telling you to go to fucking bed.
Next is the continual bathroom breaks. I’ve become quite adept at ignoring my bladder while I’m at work because the bathroom is a long walk across a teenager slash homeless person infested food court away, plus a flight of stairs that my thighs hate me for. But when I’m at home, I’m continually on the loo. Especially when I’m drinking plunger. If you’re having trouble with going wees, this is the diuretic you need.
Finally, the expense. If I’m buying myself a coffee, I’m probably going to have a muffin too. Even with my 20% discount at the coffee shop, it’s still $6.80. Every day. Multiply this by five days a week and fifty two weeks a year and you have… *does quick calculations in caffeine assisted brain* …around $1800 a year. Which is most of a new awesome laptop with 8gb of DDR3 RAM and an epic graphics card.
Does this mean it’s time to give up my caffeine addiction?
You know what? No. Because I enjoy my morning coffee (or my midnight one, as the case may be at this point in time). I could spend all my life adding up all the stuff that I buy that isn’t necessary, but the reality is, at the moment I can afford to buy my coffee and muffin every morning. Why deprive myself just because it would mean a new computer?
Eh, that can go on the credit card anyway. Call it a Christmas prezzie to myself that keeps on taking.