Q: Why on earth have you merged your blogs?
A: Because I want to write about everything now. And I still live in New Zealand, so this seemed like the most sensible thing to do.
Q: How many people live in New Zealand?
A: Somewhere around four million or 0.063% of the global population. Which is why the rest of this FAQ will revolve around New Zealand.
Q: Why do you live in New Zealand?
A: I don’t know.
Q; Does everyone in New Zealand have a pet sheep?
A: No. We eat them and cut off their clothing. We do not cuddle them.
Q: Do you all rub noses when you meet?
A: No. And it’s called hongi.
Q: Can Kiwis fly?
A: Yes. If you put them in an aircraft of some description
Q: Are you part of Australia?
A: That’s like asking if Japan is part of China.
Q: Do you speak English?
A: Some of us do. The rest think they do, but their grammar is so bad it can be hard to tell if they are really trying.
Q: How long does it take to cross the bridge from Australia to New Zealand?
A: Twenty two hours and seven minutes. But it could take you a year to find because it’s invisible.
Q: OMG, my friend Amanda lives in New Zealand, do you know her?
Q: Do you have cities in New Zealand?
A: No. We have fake polystyrene models that are Peter Jackson’s leftovers from Lord of the Rings. In reality, we live in a rather large and sprawling tunnel system that spreads outwards from the land mass for up to one hundred kilometres.
Q: Can I take a ferry to Antarctica?
A: No, but feel free to borrow my neighbours dinghy. I think he has an outboard motor in the shed somewhere. Don’t forget to pack some muesli bars.