Q:  Why on earth have you merged your blogs?

A:  Because I want to write about everything now.  And I still live in New Zealand, so this seemed like the most sensible thing to do.


Q:  How many people live in New Zealand?

A:  Somewhere around four million or 0.063% of the global population.  Which is why the rest of this FAQ will revolve around New Zealand.


Q:  Why do you live in New Zealand?

A:  I don’t know.


Q;  Does everyone in New Zealand have a pet sheep?

A:  No.  We eat them and cut off their clothing.  We do not cuddle them.


Q:  Do you all rub noses when you meet?

A:  No.  And it’s called hongi.


Q:  Can Kiwis fly?

A:  Yes.  If you put them in an aircraft of some description


Q:  Are you part of Australia?

A:  That’s like asking if Japan is part of China.


Q:  Do you speak English?

A:  Some of us do.  The rest think they do, but their grammar is so bad it can be hard to tell if they are really trying.


Q:  How long does it take to cross the bridge from Australia to New Zealand?

A:  Twenty two hours and seven minutes.  But it could take you a year to find because it’s invisible.


Q:  OMG, my friend Amanda lives in New Zealand, do you know her?

A:  …


Q:  Do you have cities in New Zealand?

A:  No.  We have fake polystyrene models that are Peter Jackson’s leftovers from Lord of the Rings.  In reality, we live in a rather large and sprawling tunnel system that spreads outwards from the land mass for up to one hundred kilometres.


Q:  Can I take a ferry to Antarctica?

A:  No, but feel free to borrow my neighbours dinghy.  I think he has an outboard motor in the shed somewhere.  Don’t forget to pack some muesli bars.

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